In the past several weeks, I’ve learned that many of the “thoughts” I was having were actually mental compulsions. I — like many others — had always associated the disorder with compulsive behaviors like washing one’s hands, counting floor tiles, or checking to see if a door was locked. But for those with Pure OCD or Pure O (nicknames for a subset of the disorder that don’t present physical behaviors), compulsions may be “rumination, mental reviewing, avoidance, reassurance seeking, or compulsive checking,” explains Chrissie Hodges, a mental health advocate and author Pure OCD: The Invisible Side of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The way I reviewed situations to determine how I felt or recall what I did, the way I asked loved ones for definite, concrete answers, and my obsessive internet research were all anxiety-reducing behaviors. Like someone who feels the need to wash their hands in order to feel clean, I needed to do these things in order to quell my worries.
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