Let's Talk About Your Mother-in-Law...
Are you feeling any anxiety? Then keep reading…
Do you find yourself dreading family gatherings where she will be? Do you dread holidays because of this relationship? Do you find yourself having angry thoughts about her? You are not alone. Many of us struggle with our relationship to our mother-in-law but we don’t have to stay where we are.
Common Sources of Tension
Conflicting ideas over how to raise children
Pressure to have children
How to celebrate holidays
A know-it-all and/or take-charge MIL
A parent’s belief that no one is good enough for their son
Personality clashes
Money lending
Pressure to conform to religious or cultural norms.
A parent trying to drive a wedge into a marital relationship.
Regardless of what is causing the tension, it can be and feel like a big ball of stress for you. It can, if left unattended, be a source of tension and conflict in your marriage. But it is possible to reduce stress and tension in this relationship.
Moving Forward
Starting to move forward might look like any of the following…
Assess If You Are Bitter
Bitterness could be amplifying and really is the yucky part you are bringing to that relationship. You can’t change her. But you can work on you. Until bitterness is addressed, everything else is usually clouded.
Communicate with Your Spouse
Easier said than do but look for the right time to have a conversation and address what the issues really are.
Tell Your Spouse What You Need
Are you just wanting him to listen or respond to you in a certain way? Help him out, tell him what you are needing from him in the conversation you are having about his mother.
Identify the Changes You Want to See
Take the time to identify what the issues are and which ones can be overlooked vs. which ones need to be addressed.
Reassess If You Might Be Bitter
I know it’s on here twice but really bitterness is so common and it really can fuel a wildfire that really is an ember and manageable relationship without the bitterness.
Boundaries
Work with your spouse to create healthy boundaries.
Speak Kindly
What is your next step to working on this relationship?